Dear Anna,
What do I say in this situation? I’m at a business meeting with a potential client. It’s me and my boss and the goal is to try to get this client to work with our company. The client sees me and instantly judges me by my age and gender and makes some [stressful, inappropriate, demeaning] remarks. How do I handle this situation? If I win the client, I get a promotion. The client makes these remarks in front of other people. It feels like it lowers my status in a situation where I feel like I need more power. How do I regain footing in a social situation when I am the least senior person there?
– Feeling Underestimated
Dear Feeling Underestimated,
Sounds like a very, very stressful work situation, for lots of reasons! Here are three ideas to hold your ground and find your center when you are in a toxic work situation.
1. Imagine that you are holding up an umbrella and those stressful, inappropriate, and demeaning remarks are like rain, figuratively falling down to the ground, without touching you. While those remarks were directed at you, they are actually not about you. They are about the person who said them. Take a deep breath and notice the air flowing in and out of your body. Breathe as much as you can. Breathing will help you find and remember your center.
2. Remember boundaries. Decide what are the figurative lines that you will or will not cross. What is a Definitive Yes for you? A Definitive No? What is a Murky Middle? Get clear on your ideal scenarios of what you will stand for to help you decide what to do next.
3. Notice the behavior of the other people around you. Who in the room is stepping in to name the discomfort? Who is acting fearful or looking away? Does the person who has more power than you, such as your boss, make an effort to back you up?
Your body will tell you faster than your brain that something is not right. Meetings with prospective clients are a two-way street. Pay attention to how your body feels after you have met with them. Do you feel energized or drained?
When you say No to the things that are not working for you, it opens up room for the Yes’s that will resonate with your innate talents.
Every work environment is different. And every work experience is different. What was acceptable to you yesterday might not be adequate for you today. Keep that resume updated and shop around. My hope for you is that you end up in a work environment where you feel so valued, appreciated, and admired for your talents that it doesn’t feel like work – at least most of the time!
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Disclaimer: These tips are meant to be a helpful starting point of ideas. Proceed at your own risk. Each person and organization is different, and this information may or may not help you. Try what resonates with you, keeping in mind common sense and circumstances. Seek professional advice that is tailored to your specific situation.
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