Dear Anna,
The grass isn’t always greener, but how will I know when to move on from my current organization?
– Wondering
Dear Wondering,
Great question, and one that not just applies to work, but also to activities and relationships. In my experience, when we are all set with our situation (as in, things are good), whatever that may be, the “how will I know when to move on” question will not arise. When the “how will I know when to move on” question emerges, consider it a signal that something does need to change. It may not necessarily mean that you need an entirely new or different job (or activity or relationship), at least not yet. So, what then, does need to change? Let’s consider three possibilities:
1. Before you think about changing anything, start with naming what you really like about what you are doing now. What are three or more things that you appreciate about your current situation? Get clear on the things that you do like, which is useful information to know about yourself, whether or not you decide to stay or go. Another reason to do this exercise is because, according to happiness research, acts of gratitude are associated with boosting happiness. I first learned about this gratitude concept from Dacher Keltner and Emiliana Simon-Thomas who teach about the Science of Happiness. So, start here to help you begin to feel a little bit better, no matter what you decide to do next.
2. Listen for signals from others about what you are really good at. These signals might be subtle. They are easy to miss if you are having a hard time believing in what you are really good at. When people blurt out comments about your skills or talents that seem so obvious and easy to you that you are tempted to minimize what they are saying to you, stop resisting. Let yourself pay attention. Listen. Take it in. What are they saying about you that is unique and different from others? You probably don’t even realize what some of your talents are because they are so much a part of us – and come so easily to us. Take note of the messages that you receive from others.
3. Allow yourself to imagine a better situation for yourself. Yes, you are worthy. Yes, you deserve it. No matter what anyone else says. Sometimes, that voice of “Who do you think you are to…” pops into our inner brain convo. Acknowledge that voice and send it off on a figurative trip – I learned that tip from Tara Mohr. If you were to show up at work in the fullest, most productive version of yourself, what would you be doing? What would your day look like? Who would be in your orbit? What are they like? Write it down.
If you are being harmed, belittled, or wake up every day in a panic about work, get professional help as soon as you can. Those are all signs that something is wrong, possibly very, very wrong. You deserve to feel good. You deserve to have a good life. Yes, you are worthy. Yes, even you. If someone in your life is telling you that you can’t do the thing that you want to do for a myriad of reasons, recognize that even if they mean well, they might not have awareness of all of the information to help you to make that decision.
Change is hard. We can easily talk ourselves out of making changes in our lives. If you find yourself resisting the idea of making changes in your life, think back to a time when you did make a big change, voluntarily or otherwise, that in retrospect turned out well. What do you know now about that prior situation that you didn’t know when you began? Use that experience as a way to help you bolster enough courage to take baby steps towards your new hoped-for situation. No matter what, trust your instincts. Believe in yourself. Allow yourself to find the support that feels uniquely right for you. My hope for you is that you encounter tools and people who are the right fit for you and what you need in this moment to help you to find your next figuratively greener patch.
—
Disclaimer: These tips are meant to be a helpful starting point of ideas. Proceed at your own risk. Each person and organization is different, and this information may or may not help you. Try what resonates with you, keeping in mind common sense and circumstances. Seek professional advice that is tailored to your specific situation.
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