Dear Anna,
My colleague showed me some work that they did. I think they did a terrible job. They should do better. How do I tell them they should do things differently?
– Wanting to point out the bad stuff
Dear Wanting to point out the bad stuff,
Sounds like you feel like you have some expertise in an area where your colleague may not. Since your colleague did not ask you for your feedback, let’s consider the following:
1. Consider what you appreciate about the work. Find something that you noticed that they did well. What aspects of the work were unique, interesting, or unexpected? Being able to find a good thing in the bad thing is a skill that I describe in more detail in a prior post about Navigating the Workplace: https://askannabanana.substack.com/p/navigating-the-workplace
2. Ask “What” questions rather than “Why” questions. Approach your colleague’s work with curiosity. Ask to learn what were their intentions, what were they hoping to accomplish, and what was their rationale behind the approach that they decided to take. Note that I used the words “what” rather than “why.” In this initial stage, asking “what” invites exploration, whereas asking “why” can come across as being accusatory or judgmental. Save the Why’s for later, after you have built trust and when you yourself are in a less judgmental mode.
3. Eliminate “shoulds” when you can. “Shoulds” (as in the word “should”) are steeped in judgement and intractability. I challenge you to replace the concept of “should” with other approaches that invite exploration, collaboration, and new possibilities. For example:
instead of saying, “they should do better” – try, “they could try some new approaches,” or “I wonder what is possible from here?”
instead of saying, “they should do things differently” – try, “even though we have previously done things one way, which is entirely different from what they did here, I wonder what we can learn from this new way of doing things?”
When we are learning something new, we need space to explore possibilities, experiment, and discover. Trying new things can lead to innovation. When toddlers are learning to walk, they fall down many times. Getting up after a fall is brave, adds to one’s experience, and when repeated, can eventually lead to expertise.
That your colleague wanted to share their work with you is a compliment. If at some point they do eventually ask for your feedback, start with what you appreciate about their work, and then consider framing your feedback as a series of questions that start with the feeling of, “I wonder…” In that exploratory type of conversation, together you might get to a place that neither of you would have gotten to individually. If you can, enjoy this opportunity for connection, community building, and possibly discovering something new.
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Disclaimer: These tips are meant to be a helpful starting point of ideas. Proceed at your own risk. Each person and organization is different, and this information may or may not help you. Try what resonates with you, keeping in mind common sense and circumstances. Seek professional advice that is tailored to your specific situation.
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