Why do you encourage people to avoid using the word “should”?

Signed,

Curious

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Dear Curious,

As a meeting facilitator and leadership coach, when I hear people use the word “should,” about themselves or about other people, I invite opportunities to explore an alternate approach. To me, the concept of “should” directly and indirectly keeps us in judgment of ourselves and of others. And, being judgy of ourselves or of others is not helpful. That “Should” becomes a figurative monster – big or small – that prevents us from actually moving forward and getting things done. So, here are three ways to tame the “Should” Monster:

1. Acknowledge your actual progress. When you find yourself saying, “I should do ABC,” flip the thought upside down. Should-ing focuses on what you haven’t done. Instead, flip it – notice what have you done towards ABC? The things that you have done so far are part of your lived experience, which makes you an expert in that thing. What has gone well so far? Based on your experience to date, what do you hope will happen next?

2. Acknowledge your colleague’s progress. When you find yourself saying, “They should do XYZ,” make note of what they have already done well. What are they really good at? Have you let them know what you appreciate about what they have done towards XYZ so far? Even the smallest observation can be helpful.

3. Get clear on what you want, rather than how to make it happen. I see people getting stuck when they ruminate about how, rather than what, they want something to possibly happen. They then grow a list of reasons why something won’t work. It drains the energy from the room. Instead, clarify what would be your ideal result. Rather than, “I should write a twenty-page report,” consider – “I want to convey to my colleagues all of the awesome partnerships that we launched with some novel recommendations about next steps.”

To be sure, some rare occasions will call for a should. However, I hope that when you do use it, that you are being mindful of why the situation is truly calling for the word. Here are some additional considerations regarding avoiding the word “should”: https://askannabanana.substack.com/p/the-problem-of-the-shoulds-as-in

My hope for you is that you can be gentle with yourself and others. When the Should Monster shows up, acknowledge it and then get curious about how you might shift from a place of judgement to one of exploring many possibilities. What are ways that motivate you to get things done without using the word should?

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Disclaimer: These tips are meant to be a helpful starting point of ideas. Proceed at your own risk. Each person and organization is different, and this information may or may not help you. Try what resonates with you, keeping in mind common sense and circumstances. Seek professional advice that is tailored to your specific situation.

—

Look to Ask Anna Banana™ for answers to your questions about approaches to optimizing workplace culture. Topics include leadership, improving workplace vibes, and office productivity. Because we want you to show up as the best version of yourself at the office.

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Do you have a question for Dr. Anna? Submit your anonymous question here: https://forms.gle/juCqU96Aiq8raLjP8

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As a leadership coach, I have seen high-achieving, well-meaning people who enter into a new leadership role inadvertently hold themselves back. Or, they pile on to their new responsibilities without removing anything so they are doing both their old role and their new role at the same time. Instead, let’s think about what people in new roles need to Start, Stop, and Keep.

1. Start. Start recognizing the things that only you can do. What are your areas of specialty, passion, or uniqueness? What are the things that would be complicated to delegate to others because you have experience, training, or a perspective that is not easily transferable? For example, if you are great at fundraising (and enjoy it), what are other items on your to-do list that your colleagues might want to take on? Consider that your letting go gives others an opportunity to try or grow into a new skill. Start your new way of being.

2. Stop. Stop some of your old habits because they lead to things that no longer apply to your new role. In other words, some of the things that you used to do no longer serve you. I first learned about a version of this concept from Kerry Ann Rockquemore, founder of the NCFDD, when I was a faculty member. In academia, as one moves up the ranks of the ‘academic ladder,’ as in, from graduate student to Instructor to Assistant Professor to Associate Professor and finally to Full Professor, the old habits that served you well as a graduate student are not the same ones that will enable you to be a successful Assistant Professor, and so forth. With each advancement comes a different set of needs and expectations for the role. Piling on without removing leads to inefficiency and burnout. I think that general concept applies not just to academics, but to leaders in all industries. What do you need to stop doing because it no longer helps you to accomplish what you need to be accomplishing in your new role? To help you stop, you might need to work on your boundaries. I have learned a lot about the concept of boundaries from the author Nedra Glover Tawwab; her books offer exceptionally helpful advice.

3. Keep. Keep being uniquely you. How do you stay you? I have seen up-and-coming leaders grapple with the stress of holding back on who they really are because they do not perceive their natural selves to be a “leader type.” They have an idea in their mind that leaders need to behave or look a certain way. Instead, consider: What is important to you? What do you stand for? Rather than squishing your approach into what you think others expect, explore how you can truly be yourself. Keep your core self as yourself. You can also collect data about yourself by listening carefully to what others say that they appreciate about you. Note that how we perceive ourselves and how others perceive us are not necessarily the same. I once read about a suggestion of asking another person something to the effect of, “What is it about me specifically that you wanted me to be in this role?” You might find that when you ask that question, the person will talk about things that they appreciate about you that come so easily to you that you want to minimize what they are telling you about you. However, remember that your inner talents are things that you can easily take for granted because they come so easily to you. Dr. Gay Hendricks refers to them as your “Zone of Genius”; Cristi Cooke calls them your “Pillars of Genius”; Tara Mohr refers to them as your “calling.” I write more about these concepts here: https://askannabanana.substack.com/p/naming-when-you-use-artificial-intelligence and here: https://askannabanana.substack.com/p/when-to-move-on. And here are more considerations related to developing your own unique leadership style: https://askannabanana.substack.com/p/footwear-as-a-foundation-of-your

To be sure, certain workplaces have rules and expectations and restrictions and requirements and all sorts of things that keep us from feeling like we can truly show up as ourselves. And at your current workplace, it might not be possible to actually start, stop, or keep many things that you would like to. You might be in a place where, for now, you can only hold an awareness of what you would like your ideal situation to be. Consider working with a professional coach – like me! – so that you can privately and confidentially explore how to navigate the gap of where you are and where you want to be. Reach out to me or to other experts who can serve as a thought partner to your specific situation. Another advantage of working with a professional coach is that you can work through early concepts and ideas without the fear of being judged or navigating power imbalances in either direction, with those you supervise or with those who supervise you.

My hope for you is that you allow yourself to Start, Stop, and Keep different aspects of your ways of being so that you can rise to your new leadership role. Allow yourself to gain awareness in what is unique about the talents that you bring, what people see in you that helped you land your new role, and ways to shift in how you do your work. Let me know what new things that you are trying that you notice have the dual effect of benefiting your own authentic ways of being while also positively helping your organization and the people that it serves.

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Disclaimer: These tips are meant to be a helpful starting point of ideas. Proceed at your own risk. Each person and organization is different, and this information may or may not help you. Try what resonates with you, keeping in mind common sense and circumstances. Seek professional advice that is tailored to your specific situation.

—

Look to Ask Anna Banana™ for answers to your questions about approaches to optimizing workplace culture. Topics include leadership, improving workplace vibes, and office productivity. Because we want you to show up as the best version of yourself at the office.

—

Do you have a question for Dr. Anna? Submit your anonymous question here: https://forms.gle/juCqU96Aiq8raLjP8

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Access prior posts here: https://www.annaadachimejia.com/ask-anna-banana

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The scene: You are running a meeting that starts at 11am. You arrive early to set up the room and to make sure that the tech is ready to go. One person arrives waaay early, two arrive a few minutes beforehand, some right to the minute, and others stroll in at 11:03am, 11:05am, and so forth. How do you not have a meltdown about people’s varying arrival times when you thought that the group would be ready to get started right on time?

As a speaker, meeting facilitator, and professional leadership coach who has worked with people in a wide range of industries from multiple time zones around the planet, I’d like to help you consider some things about what I’m going to call here Relative Time to help you release some of that feeling of pressure. Here are three key tips for staying calm when everyone around you seems to be on a different clock pace:

1. Recognize that everything is relative. When someone tells you that something will be ready in an hour (say, as you are waiting for being seated at a table at a restaurant), and then the table is actually ready in ten minutes, the unexpected earliness can feel thrilling. You are pleasantly surprised. On the other hand, if instead they had said that the table would be ready in five minutes and it actually took ten minutes, those extra five minutes could feel exasperating. Two different anticipations (one hour versus five minutes) with the same result (ten minutes), and yet one outcome feels way better than another. Remember Relative Time and buffer your expectations.

2. Focus on what you can control. We can’t control unexpected traffic or other types of delays. When we are waiting for the doctor to see us in an emergency room, we don’t and can’t know if it will take five minutes, fifty minutes, or five hours. As a patient in a hospital, we have to let the experience of linear time fall away. We have to hurry up and then wait. Instead, remember Relative Time and focus on what we can control – reading while waiting, talking to a buddy, or taking a moment for quiet reflection.

3. It’s okay to have your own time style. Recognize that you have a time style and it might be different from your colleagues. Wildly different time expectations and time styles happen. Observe your colleagues’ time styles and adjust accordingly. For the person who tends to run late, what do they need? A reminder? An earlier time window target? A ride? Rather than getting caught in judgement and “shoulds” about your colleague being late, notice what you appreciate about the intensity of their work and how they are able to really apply themselves in the moment. Slow down to go fast. Remember Relative Time and try to avoid being judgmental. Here are some other ways to avoid the “shoulds”: https://askannabanana.substack.com/p/the-problem-of-the-shoulds-as-in.

To be sure, some events require precision timing. Public transportation won’t wait and that grant submission needs to be submitted by a certain minute. I’ve heard soccer coaches say, “On time is late, early is on time.” When you are working as part of a team rather than as individuals, time takes on a whole other meaning. Every person that you add to the mix makes the time precision more challenging. Don’t be late to the hair salon, dentist, or other service provider. On the other hand, when the cable service gives you a time window, you are at the mercy of someone else’s time. And, many things take longer than you think.

Focus on what you can control, get to places early when you can, and have your list of things to do while you wait. While you could spend your time fretting over who is here when and how mad or frustrated you’d like to get at late arrivals, instead, invoke some inner calm with the technique of Smile, Laugh, Breathe™: https://askannabanana.substack.com/p/need-to-get-unstuck-try-the-technique. Every workplace is different, and variation is what makes us innovative and productive: https://askannabanana.substack.com/p/dei-and-pizza-pie. Now let’s remember Relative Time and take another deep breath. Yes, everything is going to be okay.

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Disclaimer: These tips are meant to be a helpful starting point of ideas. Proceed at your own risk. Each person and organization is different, and this information may or may not help you. Try what resonates with you, keeping in mind common sense and circumstances. Seek professional advice that is tailored to your specific situation.

—

Look to Ask Anna Banana™ for answers to your questions about approaches to optimizing workplace culture. Topics include leadership, improving workplace vibes, and office productivity. Because we want you to show up as the best version of yourself at the office.

—

Do you have a question for Dr. Anna? Submit your anonymous question here: https://forms.gle/juCqU96Aiq8raLjP8

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Access prior posts here: https://www.annaadachimejia.com/ask-anna-banana

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Calling a space “safe” doesn’t automatically make it so. Consider that a space can be welcoming and still not feel safe to a specific individual. With meeting facilitation, we have so many things to consider – the experience of the space itself (physical or virtual), the location, the timing, the conditions of the larger world and how they are immediately affecting people right before they walk into your room. Some of those things we can control; many we cannot. The presence of one single person can radically change the experience of a meeting. Here are three ways to design a space to be attendant and responsive to people’s needs in the moment:

1. Understand the true underlying reason for the meeting/event/workshop. What do people hope to have experienced as a result of being in this space with you? Connection, creation, priority-setting? Use the meeting intention as a way to help you design an optimal experience. See this piece to help you think about more ideas for getting meeting-ready: https://www.theladders.com/career-advice/a-dartmouth-professor-on-the-art-of-running-meetings-with-you-in-the-drivers-seat

2. Recognize that every single group is different. Change one single person in the group and the group is now entirely different. Yes, one person. On top of that, people change within themselves – what someone wants or needs one day is different from what they need or want the next. They might be high energy one day and sleep deprived the next. Hungry, hopeful, tired, terrified, cranky, calm, having a good day or a bad day. Experiencing over the top stress or being a model of serenity in the moment. Find out what you can about the attendees, and listen carefully for people’s needs. Sometimes people don’t know what they need. Offer choices and escape valves.

3. Group Agreements. Help to set the intention of the experience with group agreements. I prefer to keep it simple. I use three. You don’t have to make it a big list. You want something to signal the kind of experience you hope for people to have and to have a callback to those if you need it. Have fun with it; they don’t have to be all stressy. Avoid shoulds. See this piece about the concept of avoiding the word should: https://askannabanana.substack.com/p/the-problem-of-the-shoulds-as-in

To be sure, all of the advance planning doesn’t cover all situations. Something tricky and unexpected may happen. Sights, smells, the unexpected presence of a certain person could upend best intended plans. That is why I try to prepare as much as I can in advance, so that when the day comes, I have the bandwidth and mindspace to tackle the unexpected thing that inevitably happens. The power going out, the key not being in the place that the person said it would be, being locked out of the meeting space, the building shaking due to some kind of testing happening outside, and on. Yes, all of those things have happened to me. And you know what, it was all okay. We pivoted. See this piece on more ways to think outside of the box when the unexpected happens: https://askannabanana.substack.com/p/did-your-oven-stop-working-on-a-big and this piece to help you get back to your inner calm when you need to take a moment: https://askannabanana.substack.com/p/need-to-get-unstuck-try-the-technique

Ask for help. One or more people in your group may already be familiar with providing creative accommodations, navigating certain personalities, or creating group agreements. Don’t hesitate to ask for help or ideas. While we cannot guarantee a safe space, we can guarantee that we are setting an intention for meeting attendees to feel comfortable, seen, and heard. We can put things into place to increase the likelihood that our attendees can focus on the goals of the meeting rather than feeling uncomfortable, distracted, or stressed. And ideally, attendees will feel so comfortable at our meetings that they in turn will have the bandwidth to help others to feel comfortable too. A viral effect – of the good kind.

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Disclaimer: These tips are meant to be a helpful starting point of ideas. Proceed at your own risk. Each person and organization is different, and this information may or may not help you. Try what resonates with you, keeping in mind common sense and circumstances. Seek professional advice that is tailored to your specific situation.

—

Look to Ask Anna Banana™ for answers to your questions about approaches to optimizing workplace culture. Topics include leadership, improving workplace vibes, and office productivity. Because we want you to show up as the best version of yourself at the office.

—

Do you have a question for Dr. Anna? Submit your anonymous question here: https://forms.gle/juCqU96Aiq8raLjP8

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Access prior posts here: https://www.annaadachimejia.com/ask-anna-banana

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What is “DEI”?

– Wondering

Dear Wondering,

D.E.I. stands for Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion. Sometimes people also feature the concepts of Accessibility, Belonging, or Justice with the acronym, so you might see the concepts abbreviated as: DEI, DEIA, DEIB, DEIJ, or JEDI. Let’s walk through the concepts of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion with the example of having a pizza party at the office.

1. Diversity. Imagine a pizza party at the office where you have only one kind of pizza on offer (say, all cheese, or all pepperoni). When you have only one kind of pizza, that is like having no diversity. Having diversity with your pizza would be like offering a range of toppings (vegetable, meat lovers, or a combination) or options for the type of crust (thin, stuffed, or cauliflower) that you want.

2. Equity. At this pizza party, if you only allowed each person to have the same amount of pizza, regardless of how much they actually wanted (or didn’t want), that would be like not having an equitable approach. The opposite of equity is giving each person the same amount regardless of the individual person’s needs or wants. In contrast, an experience of equity at this pizza party would be that the partygoer is able to get the amount of pizza that they want in that moment – which could be zero slices, a half slice, or one slice, or two slices, or more. Equity is about providing access to things that people need that makes sense for them. The Robert Wood Johnson Foundation has created a helpful visual concept of health equity that you can find at this link: https://www.rwjf.org/en/insights/our-research/infographics/visualizing-health-equity.html

3. Inclusion. If you were not inclusive in your invitations to the pizza party, then the party might not only be boring, but also stressful. Excluding people is a stressful experience, not just for the people who are being excluded, but perhaps even moreso for the ones doing the excluding. An inclusive pizza party would be one where you have extended invites to the full team. Where you have a feeling of abundance over scarcity. Where you create a space for networking, connections, and expansive possibilities.

Some people might say that they want to keep things the same, they do not want variety, and they would prefer to keep things the way they have always been done. However, just like the seasons, change is inevitable. Each person is different – some aren’t hungry right then, or have food allergies, or would rather have a salad instead. People have a range of needs. And those needs change over time.

Without diversity, equity, or inclusion, everyone at the office would dress the same, act the same, and do the same thing, regardless of a person’s needs, a client’s needs, or what the company needs. It would be inefficient, costly, and lacking innovation. Thankfully, many experts exist who can help organizations to explore and advance their DEI needs and progress. They range from people who can help with organizations just getting started to ones who have already come a long way and are ready for the next thing. Whether you need specific help with thinking through what Accessibility or Belonging or Justice also looks like at your organization, or how to explore what might be possible when you get curious about how these approaches can give your organization a leading edge, know that your figurative workplace pizza party can also be fun and productive all at the same time.

—

Disclaimer: These tips are meant to be a helpful starting point of ideas. Proceed at your own risk. Each person and organization is different, and this information may or may not help you. Try what resonates with you, keeping in mind common sense and circumstances. Seek professional advice that is tailored to your specific situation.

—

Look to Ask Anna Banana™ for answers to your questions about approaches to optimizing workplace culture. Topics include leadership, improving workplace vibes, and office productivity. Because we want you to show up as the best version of yourself at the office.

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Do you have a question for Dr. Anna? Submit your anonymous question here: https://forms.gle/juCqU96Aiq8raLjP8

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Whether you are a leader with no time (or with negative time because you are waaay behind on that to-do list), a person trying to do something new, or you are in the throes of a procrastination situation, give something just five minutes.

1. The five-minute rule for exercise. I first heard about the five-minute rule related to exercise training. Do you have a training regimen for a particular day and you just don’t feel like getting going, even though in theory you really could? This scenario can come up after a long day at work or school, feeling tired, and not wanting to get back out there for a walk or run or what-have-you. When that kind of I-don’t-have-a-good-excuse-to-not-do-it resistance shows up, try the five-minute rule. As in: do the thing for just five minutes, even if you really meant to do it for say half an hour. Put on your workout clothes / shoes / the thing that you would be needing to do the thing – and tell yourself that you will only go through the motions for five minutes. Chances are, after those five minutes are in motion, you will keep going. And if not, fine, then take a break and move onto the next thing in your life. Rather than judge the brevity of what you did, admire that you tried, and that you kept your habit in place.

2. The five-minute rule for a big project. Let’s say that you have a monster-sized project and you are feeling resistance to getting started. It’s so large that you could literally spend hours on it, and you have zero momentum to start. Instead, try only five minutes. Set a timer for five minutes. Use those five minutes for doing small things related to the project – opening the files that you need, writing down a few items on a to-do list, reminding yourself where you put the stuff related to the project. That’s it. Figuratively touch that work for five minutes. When the timer goes off, take a break and move onto something else. Or, keep working on it. Importantly, don’t judge what happens next – taking a break or moving on. Instead, know that since you touched the project, next time you will be ready to jump back into it, because you know where you left off. Ultimately, knowing where to jump back in can help you to be more efficient in the long run. Now, you are primed to be thinking about that project throughout the day, even when you are up to other things. I have heard writing coaches call it “parking downhill.” It sets you up for future momentum.

3. The five-minute rule for leadership. Here you want to slow down to go fast. Yes, slow down to go fast. Taking five minutes to think about big-picture, forest-not-the-trees type of view, could prevent you from inefficient time expenditure. For example, let’s say you are working on a five-page grant application. You could look at an early draft and first dive into editing the figurative trees – the grammar and punctuation. However, if that early draft is completely misaligned with the funder’s goals and the big-picture aims of the work, you have effectively lost those editing minutes to text that might ultimately be removed because it was not relevant. For more about how order matters specific to nonfiction writing, see my piece here: https://medium.com/@adachilabs/baking-a-process-into-writing-your-first-draft-of-a-scientific-piece-4e5d8bb5acc

As another example, you have a meeting with your boss coming up and you have been so busy working on the details of the work that you haven’t had time to prep for the meeting. Give yourself five minutes to consider the big picture. Set a timer for four minutes and consider: How is the work progressing overall? Where might you need assistance? Is something unexpected happening that you want to address at your meeting? When the timer goes off, set it for one minute and write down some high-level bullet-point notes to help you recall what came to mind.

To be sure, you need more than five minutes to get big work done and/or to reach your athletic goals. However, starting small can help to ultimately actualize the bigger stuff. Whether you spend five minutes or five hours writing, you are still a writer. Whether you spend five minutes running or five hours running, you are still a runner.

My hope for you is that you can leverage the magic of five minutes as figurative alchemy that turns your time spent into the gold-like value of accomplishing your big goals.

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Disclaimer: These tips are meant to be a helpful starting point of ideas. Proceed at your own risk. Each person and organization is different, and this information may or may not help you. Try what resonates with you, keeping in mind common sense and circumstances. Seek professional advice that is tailored to your specific situation.

—

Look to Ask Anna Banana™ for answers to your questions about approaches to optimizing workplace culture. Topics include leadership, improving workplace vibes, and office productivity. Because we want you to show up as the best version of yourself at the office.

—

Do you have a question for Dr. Anna? Submit your anonymous question here: https://forms.gle/juCqU96Aiq8raLjP8

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Access prior posts here: https://www.annaadachimejia.com/ask-anna-banana

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I am super aggravated with some people whom I met the other day. They are convinced that their way is the only way and that they are right. I wish that they could listen to me for a change.

– Feeling Aggravated and Not Listened To

—

Dear Feeling Aggravated and Not Listened To,

Human connection can be so hard – having it, experiencing it, and navigating it. We want to be heard and understood and trusted. And being/feeling/experiencing being dismissed can make us want to have distance. While we could spend a lot of time working through some Big Issues here, let’s do the reverse and start with thinking about the smallest thing. How can you connect with someone with whom you do not know, like, care about, or even ignores you in a workplace environment?

1. The contagious smile. How many people – including total strangers – can you convert to having a smile with only your facial expression? I have previously written about my workplace strategy for creating a viral effect of shifting people’s demeanor from un-lively to lively with one small point of connection – a smile. I write about it here: https://askannabanana.substack.com/p/strategic-play-as-a-pathway-to-leadership

2. What is one small thing that you have in common? Create a point of connection – it can be something obvious, such as why you are having a meeting. Just like when the train conductor announces, “This train is headed to BigCity,” you can say, “We are here to talk about ABC.” Or, talk about a common goal, interest, or preference: “I see you are drinking coffee from Café Z. I really like that place too.” Or, “Where did you find those cool eyeglass frames?”

3. Offer a new figurative doorway. Each of us are different and we have our own timelines and timeframes for coming around to new ideas. As you inwardly stew over the things that the person doesn’t understand, see, or get about your perspective, consider what is one single thing that you really want them to hear from your side. And offer an invitation – a figurative doorway that they may or may not walk through.

• For example: “We have been talking about next steps. I have one small new concept that I’d like to describe to you. Let me know when you’d like to hear about it.”

  Or,

• “You were talking about ABC – I hope at some point we can talk about this small idea that I have that could add to it. When you have the bandwidth, let me know.”

  Or,

• “I know how much this project means to you and that you want it to be the best thing possible. With that in mind, I have one small idea that hasn’t been addressed yet. Perhaps we can revisit next week when we meet again, unless you have a few minutes to talk about it now.”

To be sure, small things comprise only part of the big picture. However, no matter how large the problem is that you are trying to tackle, identifying smaller pieces will put you on the path to getting to where you want to go, step by step. Starting small also helps you to overcome initial resistance – yours and theirs – and it helps to reveal what you could try next.

I hope that you and I can find some time together to help you explore possible longer-term strategies for working through the Big Issues. In the meantime, try creating some small points of connection with a wide range of people, and see where they lead. What do you notice about what helps?

—

Disclaimer: These tips are meant to be a helpful starting point of ideas. Proceed at your own risk. Each person and organization is different, and this information may or may not help you. Try what resonates with you, keeping in mind common sense and circumstances. Seek professional advice that is tailored to your specific situation.

—

Look to Ask Anna Banana™ for answers to your questions about approaches to optimizing workplace culture. Topics include leadership, improving workplace vibes, and office productivity. Because we want you to show up as the best version of yourself at the office.

—

Do you have a question for Dr. Anna? Submit your anonymous question here: https://forms.gle/juCqU96Aiq8raLjP8

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Access prior posts here: https://www.annaadachimejia.com/ask-anna-banana

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I feel overwhelmed. Pretty upset about a recent interaction where the person who has power over me was saying things that were so ridiculous and mean. I was so stunned in the moment that I didn’t say too much. I left the meeting feeling like I was in a fog. By the time I got to the car I was crying – a lot – many tissues worth! Now I feel so upset that I feel like I don’t even feel. What do I do now?

Signed, Shocked and Teary

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Dear Shocked and Teary,

Thank you for sharing your story. So many feelings. What a terribly rough day. Speaking of feelings, I feel like those times when we just didn’t see the awfulness coming are the worst. It’s one thing to anticipate a bad, tricky, or mean situation and you have your guard up ahead of time. And when it comes as a surprise – that can be upending. Here is my salve for the awful times: start with the technique of Smile, Laugh, Breathe™.

1. Smile. Smiling can seem counterintuitive when all you want to do is to cry. During a yucky-feeling moment, what on earth can you smile about? That you had enough tissues lying around to catch the viscous mess emanating from your eyes and nose? That you (mostly) made it to the car before you let it all out? That the idea of smiling in this moment seems over the top and not possible? I’ve heard Tony Robbins talk about having your body go through the motions of the thing that you want to have happen before you feel ready – and then your mindset will follow. Experiment with exercising your smile muscles and see what happens next.

2. Laugh. I have witnessed some work environments that are so over the top that once you get home (or to your car) and have a moment to reflect on what just happened, all you can do is laugh in the moment. The laughing can help to center you. Allow yourself to have a private moment, laugh about the ridiculousness of the situation, and see if you can exhaust your stomach muscles from all of the laughing.

3. Breathe. In my experience, we often forget to breathe when we are too stunned to process what just happened to us. Try to pause and take a breath, and then another, and then another. Laughter Yoga, which I have written about here: https://askannabanana.substack.com/p/how-to-stay-human-in-an-ai-driven is about moving air through your lungs through laughter. It is a technique where we “laugh for no reason,” as Dr. Madan Kataria describes it. When I facilitate workplace trainings where we do laughter yoga as one of the activities, people talk about how it helps them to feel more calm, relaxed, and ready to try something new. Whether you incorporate laughter with your breathing or not, try to intentionally inhale and exhale and move some air through your lungs.

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To be sure, lots more needs to happen in order to start to feel like how you want to make things right for yourself. However, start from within – shore up how your body is feeling on the inside, to help you take your next steps on the outside. Let it all out with those tears (or loud sounds, or movement, or drawing, or writing, or whatever technique you know works well for you).

Ride the wave of the awfulness to help you get to the other side of it. I have seen a quote that is sometimes attributed to Winston Churchill: “When you are going through hell, keep going.” It reminds me of a time when I was going through something that felt pretty bad and a friend said to me, “Well, it can’t get any worse than this…” which actually did make me feel better in the moment because it made me laugh. My hope for you is that you are able to start with the technique of Smile, Laugh, Breathe™, and use it as a launching pad to prime you to then connect with kind, calming people in your life who can be a gentle sounding board when you need it the most.

—

Disclaimer: These tips are meant to be a helpful starting point of ideas. Proceed at your own risk. Each person and organization is different, and this information may or may not help you. Try what resonates with you, keeping in mind common sense and circumstances. Seek professional advice that is tailored to your specific situation.

Look to Ask Anna Banana™ for answers to your questions about approaches to optimizing workplace culture. Topics include leadership, improving workplace vibes, and office productivity. Because we want you to show up as the best version of yourself at the office.

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Do you have a question for Dr. Anna? Submit your anonymous question here: https://forms.gle/juCqU96Aiq8raLjP8

Access prior posts here: https://www.annaadachimejia.com/ask-anna-banana

I’m cooking a big meal for the family and I need everything to be just right. How do I manage it?

Signed, Reluctant Chef

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Dear Reluctant Chef,

You are reminding me of the time a few years ago, mid-November, that a few things in our kitchen stopped working. The oven didn’t work at all. Three of the four stovetop burners stopped working. And I had been planning to prepare a Big Meal for the family. What to do?

So, over the course of two days, I prepped parts of dishes in small batches and I worked iteratively so that the dishes would be more or less ready for the target Big Meal. At the time, I was so engrossed in the challenge of trying to make it work that it didn’t even occur to me that my approach was unusual and unexpected.

As we now enter a season of people embarking on Big Meal preparation, colleagues have remarked on how this story is an example of resiliency. Yesterday morning someone encouraged me to share the story. And in the past two days the word Resiliency has popped up three times, including when the power went out yesterday afternoon. I live in a rural area and sometimes it happens. So I drove into town to spend the rest of the afternoon attending Zoom meetings out of my car. Five hours later, when my laptop battery was at 15%, I texted my colleague and friend who was hosting the meeting to say that I’d then join on my phone. She said, “Creative, thanks for making it work under challenging circumstances.”

So, here we are. Whether you are facing a cooking challenge or an unexpected work challenge (and yes, the power also went out at a recent conference where I was facilitating a meeting – and we all did okay!), here are three ways to emerge as a Resilient Leader:

1. Assess what assets you have available to you. So during those days of the Big Meal prep with no working oven, one of the stovetop burners still worked, and we had a large toaster oven, and an Instant Pot. Plus, we had a working fridge and microwave. The power was still on. We had running water. And bonus, the dishwasher was still functional!

2. Leverage timing to your advantage. The day in advance of the time that I wanted to serve the Big Meal, I prepped parts of dishes in small batches that could fit into the toaster oven. I thought through which items could hold their heat longer or didn’t need to hold heat at all. The day of, I cooked the items in the order of least and most important to serve directly out of being in the high heat.

3. Have a backup plan. As I worked on this unexpected approach to Big Meal preparation, I also gave myself permission to have a backup plan. I had two: I was mentally prepared to heat up some frozen food, or if need be, to get takeout from a restaurant that would still be open during a holiday.

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To be sure, sometimes we want and need things to go just perfectly. Ironically, embracing the messy can be a way to build rapport and to improve connections. Perfection doesn’t make you a trustworthy leader; messiness does.

So when the power goes out, remember that you still have Power. Tap into your inner Resilient Leader, open up the curtains to let in some natural light, and gather ‘round with your people. What will feel just right is when you try something new during an unexpected situation.

—

Disclaimer: These tips are meant to be a helpful starting point of ideas. Proceed at your own risk. Each person and organization is different, and this information may or may not help you. Try what resonates with you, keeping in mind common sense and circumstances. Seek professional advice that is tailored to your specific situation.

Look to Ask Anna Banana™ for answers to your questions about approaches to optimizing workplace culture. Topics include leadership, improving workplace vibes, and office productivity. Because we want you to show up as the best version of yourself at the office.

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Do you have a question for Dr. Anna? Submit your anonymous question here: https://forms.gle/juCqU96Aiq8raLjP8

Access prior posts here: https://www.annaadachimejia.com/ask-anna-banana

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Here are five things to try as a leader – they are the key steps behind what I call the P.L.A.Y. Now™ Pathway to Leadership – to help you to improve your workplace culture.

1. P. is for Practical. Stay practical. When I am coaching leaders, I help them to get clear on their goals so that they can stay practical. Where do you want to end up in a project or an event – today, in a week, in a year? Having specific goals will help you to have a focused sense of the destination so that you can then reverse engineer possible ways to accomplish your goals. Having clarity on your hoped-for outcomes will give you the power to be flexible and adjust along the way. Some things take way longer than you think. Other times, thanks to your clear sense of your big-picture goals, you can move much more quickly than you had initially anticipated. This process will help you to efficiently say No or Yes to the many opportunities that come your way. It will help you to stay authentic to your goals.

2. L. is for Lively. We could have a boring, dull workplace existence or we could bring in a little lift into it, a little human-ness. In a prior work life, I had a long walk between where I could park my car and the many, many steps to my office. En route, I saw a lot of people who seemed the farthest thing from lively. So, I would try to see how many people I could convert to smiling without even saying anything as I walked from my car, across the parking lot, towards the building, inside the building, and towards my office. I’d make friendly eye contact and whip out a smile and see if they could catch any of my positive energy. Even though most were strangers, they often smiled back. What are the subtle ways you can try to shift the energy in the room to inspire a lively worklife? These adjustments can help you, your staff, or your Board to be primed to dive in to do creative, innovative, and productive work. When I facilitate meetings, I design agendas that bring in a lot of lively when possible. I have previously written about other approaches to human-ing (as in, being human) here: https://askannabanana.substack.com/p/how-to-stay-human-in-an-ai-driven

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3. A. is for Active. Movement can help to calm the nerves, help people to get centered, and to get focused on the next task. Foster a work environment where people feel inspired to get up off of their seats now and then. An active workplace inspires positive and collegial energy. Let’s go! One way to co-practice some activity at work is to hold walking meetings, which I have written about here: https://askannabanana.substack.com/p/energy-management-as-a-form-of-leadership

4. Y. is for Yes! The idea of Yes! has lots of applications, from the Yes, And improvisational approach to the Yes, And brainstorm approach that I teach in my board and staff trainings. Notice what you want to say Yes to more than what you want to say No to. For more on the workplace concept of Yes (as in, concepts that you want to nurture at work), see my post about navigating the workplace here: https://askannabanana.substack.com/p/navigating-the-workplace

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5. Now. When we focus on the here and now, we are practicing sharp focus on what we need right here, right now, right in this moment. One of my coaching teachers, Rick Tamlyn, had our class focus on “What’s here now?” in this moment, not one second ago, and not one second from now. If you have studied mindfulness, you might know of the concept as being present. Learning how to be present helps to quell nerves, reduce anxiety, and to stay productive. It helps us to achieve those goals that we identified back in the P. for Practical part of our Pathway to Leadership experience. You can feel comfortable to be spontaneous because you already know where you are headed (see P for Practical).

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To be sure, this model may not work in your workplace. You may not like some parts of it. That’s fine, you don’t have to. We are all different. However, if you try even one of these approaches, make note of how the workplace feels different – compare the before and after. What are ways that your workplace can thrive when you apply the P.L.A.Y. Now™ model?

For many of the concepts that I present in this advice column, my goal is to give you a high-level view of new and inspiring ideas to plant some seeds in your workplace. If you have clarification questions or want more specific examples, let me know here: https://forms.gle/juCqU96Aiq8raLjP8. To learn more about this model, visit: https://www.annaadachimejia.com/play-now-pathway-to-leadership

And when you are ready to learn more, practice, or go even deeper, I hope that you will reach out. I do trainings both online and in person!

—

Disclaimer: These tips are meant to be a helpful starting point of ideas. Proceed at your own risk. Each person and organization is different, and this information may or may not help you. Try what resonates with you, keeping in mind common sense and circumstances. Seek professional advice that is tailored to your specific situation.

Look to Ask Anna Banana™ for answers to your questions about approaches to optimizing workplace culture. Topics include leadership, improving workplace vibes, and office productivity. Because we want you to show up as the best version of yourself at the office.

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Do you have a question for Dr. Anna? Submit your anonymous question here: https://forms.gle/juCqU96Aiq8raLjP8

Access prior posts here: https://www.annaadachimejia.com/ask-anna-banana

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What are you not saying that needs to be said? Here are three ways to open that door of starting to share what you are really thinking, so that you can stay true to your authentic self:

1. Ask for clarification on the thing that is not resonating with you. One way to name the thing that is lacking alignment with you is to ask for clarification on core issue. In the case of the story of The Emperor’s New Clothes, you could try:

• “I understand that the purpose of this meeting is to view, and presumably admire, the Emperor’s New Clothes. However, I myself actually can’t yet see the clothes. Can you please help me to see them?”

• “Can you walk me through what you are seeing?”

• “What specifically about these New Clothes are you noticing?”

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2. Open your comment/inquiry/observation with something that you do agree with. Where do you agree with the thing that is going on? In the case of the story of The Emperor’s New Clothes, you could start with:

• “While I agree that the Emperor needs some new clothes…”

• “I’m glad to see that we are in support of the Emperor having some new clothes…”

• “Investing in new clothes for the Emperor makes sense…”

and then add your comment/query/observation.

As I have previously posted regarding managing disagreements, naming people’s range of viewpoints can help to explore multiple pathways of possibilities (written: https://askannabanana.substack.com/p/managing-office-dynamics-can-we-agree audio: https://askannabanana.substack.com/p/managing-office-dynamics-can-we-agree-63e)

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3. Frame your view as, ‘The perspective that I’m bringing is…’ Each of us holds many views, experiences, and ways of looking at the world. And they are all different. Sometimes when we are ‘the only’ in the room holding a perspective, or at least think that we are ‘the only’ because no one else has been speaking up from a perspective, we hold back. In the case of the story of The Emperor’s New Clothes, you could try opening with:

• “As someone who has watched every episode of the show ‘Project Runway,’ I’m bewildered right now because I actually can’t even see these clothes yet…”

• “As someone who wishes they could have their own tailored new clothes someday, I have to admit I’m not feeling as envious as I thought I would because I can’t actually see the clothes yet…”

• “As someone who has seen a wide range of work clothes from the many different industries that I have worked in, I can’t even tell what category these clothes would fall into because my eyes don’t have enough data to process what kind of clothes these are that we are looking at…”

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To be sure, some work environments are so oppressive that any form of speaking up may not feel like an option. Power dynamics can override any kind of possibilities. As I have learned from others, bullying thrives in isolation. If you are in a situation where you want to say something and you don’t feel safe about doing so, keep your eyes open to who is someone available to you who can hold confidences and help you to brainstorm a way forward.

When you find your people (see this other post about ways to find your work people: https://askannabanana.substack.com/p/making-a-change-need-to-expand-your), you can start to explore with them – you can do that head check – of the other instances in which you felt like ‘the only’ and weren’t sure about saying the thing that was on your mind. My hope for you is that no matter what, you will believe in yourself and in your perspective. Regardless of what anyone else says, your individual viewpoint matters. A lot.

—

Disclaimer: These tips are meant to be a helpful starting point of ideas. Proceed at your own risk. Each person and organization is different, and this information may or may not help you. Try what resonates with you, keeping in mind common sense and circumstances. Seek professional advice that is tailored to your specific situation.

Look to Ask Anna Banana™ for answers to your questions about approaches to optimizing workplace culture. Topics include leadership, improving workplace vibes, and office productivity. Because we want you to show up as the best version of yourself at the office.

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Do you have a question for Dr. Anna? Submit your anonymous question here: https://forms.gle/juCqU96Aiq8raLjP8

Access prior posts here: https://www.annaadachimejia.com/ask-anna-banana

I’m feeling a lot of pressure to do all-things-A.I. How do I balance being myself amidst all of this Artificial Intelligence (A.I.) stuff?

Signed,

Still human

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Dear Still human,

For those of us still interested in human-ing, here are three things that I think humans do better than other creatures or artificials:

1. Art. Creating art, enjoying other people’s art, inspiring art. Make the most of human-created art – on the street or anywhere around you. Relishing art – your own or other people’s – will help you to feel calm, refreshed, and expansive. Check out the work of Positive Street Art – while they are headquartered in Nashua, New Hampshire, they create beauty all over the world!

2. Music. Play it, listen to it, be with it. Music can help you to focus, to move, to exercise. It can help you to connect with other humans, or to help you to get your work done.

3. Laughter. Laughter can inspire connection, playfulness, and creativity. It can be a tool for healing. Dr. Madan Kataria invented the practice of Laughter Yoga – where we laugh for no reason – and it is practiced across the globe.

To be sure, some artists and musicians use A.I. as a tool to enhance their work. They co-exist with A.I. As I have written about in other posts (here: https://askannabanana.substack.com/p/let-ai-enhance-you-not-replace-you and here: https://askannabanana.substack.com/p/naming-when-you-use-artificial-intelligence) using A.I. can be different things to different people.

Navigating what it means to be human in an A.I.-driven world provides an opportunity for each of us to identify what are the things that we enjoy doing so much that we would not want A.I. to do it for us. And for each of us, how and when we approach A.I. will be different.

What is something that you do at work that you want to keep doing while fully human? Keep me posted on your journey.

—

Disclaimer: These tips are meant to be a helpful starting point of ideas. Proceed at your own risk. Each person and organization is different, and this information may or may not help you. Try what resonates with you, keeping in mind common sense and circumstances. Seek professional advice that is tailored to your specific situation.

Look to Ask Anna Banana™ for answers to your questions about approaches to optimizing workplace culture. Topics include leadership, improving workplace vibes, and office productivity. Because we want you to show up as the best version of yourself at the office.

Do you have a question for Dr. Anna? Submit your anonymous question here: https://forms.gle/juCqU96Aiq8raLjP8

Access prior posts here: https://www.annaadachimejia.com/ask-anna-banana

I’m stressed about the future. I’m hearing a lot about Artificial Intelligence (A.I.) replacing people’s jobs. What does that mean for me?

Signed, Not ready for that yet

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Dear Not ready for that yet,

Headlines sure can be pretty stress-inducing these days, perhaps more than ever. Focusing on the negative, the things that are missing, or the things that are lacking, are a surefire way to elevate one’s stress levels. (If you are aware of a news source that is more asset-based, as in focusing on what is working well, rather than deficit-based, as in what is missing, let me know.) As I’ve mentioned before, gratitude is a way that one can find calm (https://askannabanana.substack.com/p/when-to-move-on). Let’s take an asset-based approach to consider what is possible regarding your co-existing with A.I.:

1. Identify the things that you don’t really like to do anyway. Everyone is different in terms of what they like to do – and don’t like to do. For me, I’d be thrilled to have A.I. take care of the dishes, vacuuming, and magically put away paperwork in the exact way that I like to have it organized. What are the things that you are good or excellent at, and that you don’t enjoy doing? Those are the kinds of tasks that you could start to look into how A.I. might help you.

2. Identify what you like to do so much that time falls away. For me, managing a calendar is an art. For example, while some people can’t stand organizing meeting times for groups of people (which my colleagues and I fondly refer to as ‘herding cats’), I love it. Similarly, I love calendaring and making appointments, not just for me but for meetings with my colleagues. And of course, I love to write and edit, to coach leaders, to give keynotes, and to facilitate meetings. I would be loathe to have A.I. to do any of those things for me. What are the things that you love to do?

3. Don’t let Artificial Intelligence remove your own intelligence. That A.I. can move rapidly at scale also means that it can escalate problems on a grandiose level. A.I. is based on past information. Past information is incomplete, biased, and lacks the innovation of the future. We have loads of reasons why you can’t trust A.I. all on its own. As I’ve said before, if you are using A.I. for something that you know nothing about, be sure to bring in a buddy (https://askannabanana.substack.com/p/naming-when-you-use-artificial-intelligence). And as my middle school math teachers used to say many times over, show your work. In this case, check A.I.’s work and have it show you how it got there.

To be sure, A.I. is so pervasive at this point that it is starting to become the default for many computer-based activities. When I open a blank file to type on my computer, I have to proactively fight the program’s default setting in order to type without A.I. We have been at the point for a while where, regardless of if we use A.I. at work or not, some of us simply can’t get any work done when the power goes out.

So, what are those things that you are really good at, and that you love to do? Keep practicing and honing in on those skills (your gifts, as I describe here: https://askannabanana.substack.com/p/naming-when-you-use-artificial-intelligence), and let people know how enthusiastic you are about those things. My hope for you is that you share your expertise with the world, not just so others can benefit from your expertise and not just to enhance the awesomeness of your day, but also so that you can get some great work done even when the power goes out.

—

Disclaimer: These tips are meant to be a helpful starting point of ideas. Proceed at your own risk. Each person and organization is different, and this information may or may not help you. Try what resonates with you, keeping in mind common sense and circumstances. Seek professional advice that is tailored to your specific situation.

Look to Ask Anna Banana™ for answers to your questions about approaches to optimizing workplace culture. Topics include leadership, improving workplace vibes, and office productivity. Because we want you to show up as the best version of yourself at the office.

Do you have a question for Dr. Anna? Submit your anonymous question here: https://forms.gle/juCqU96Aiq8raLjP8

Access prior posts here: https://www.annaadachimejia.com/ask-anna-banana

The rookie response: When it’s your turn, talk as fast as possible, flash through every slide quickly, and cut out some key points that you wanted to make, because you are worried about the next presenter being irritated about their timeslot being delayed.

The my-way-or-the-highway response: You deliver your talk exactly as you had timed it, everyone else be damned. Maybe you even take more than 15 minutes.

The seasoned response: You are well prepared to do a 1-minute version, a 3-minute version, or a longer version of your talk as time allows. You have thought through how to flex the content to fit the allowable time, and you know exactly what key takeaways you will emphasize.

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I was that rookie once, trying to squish my presentation in between other people who had more of the my-way-or-the-highway approach. Decades later, as a speaker, meeting facilitator, and professional coach, I’m here to help you design a more seasoned approach. Why? A pervasive challenge that I see across industries and events is the problem of a presenter having a truncated time slot from what they were initially expecting. I have seen tech issues, confusion over directions, and parking challenges leading to late arrival times, then layered with even more tech issues that lead to conference event sessions running late. I’ve seen speakers in a multi-session series going way past their allotted time, even when a timekeeper is trying to let them know that they are past time. These days, when I’m the one creating an event agenda, in anticipation of unexpected delays, I try to include figurative time cushions when I can. In other words, when possible, I build in time buffers. However, no matter who is designing that agenda, unexpected truncated time spots happen. Here are three ways for you as a speaker/presenter/person-trying-to-say-something-to-someone-else to manage your speaking time, even when you feel like time has managed you:

1. Get super clear on your main, big picture point or idea. What is the biggest thing that you wish people would know? If you have the shortest amount of time available to you, what do you need to blurt out to get the main point across? While the temptation may be to give people every last detail up front, wait to share the details. When I coach others on their presentation prep, I encourage them to think about keeping those details in their figurative back pocket. That way, you will be ready to mention them as needed. Pull them out when your audience asks you for clarification as time allows. Lead with your main point. Prioritize it and make space for it. Practicing this approach of sharing the main idea first will help you in other ways – including sending out an email – some people refer to this concept as bottom line up front (BLUF).

2. Talk about a concept that only you can talk about. What is your unique take on a concept that others may not perceive or think about? If you have a lot of things that you could or want to say, the temptation is to say it all, explaining a lot of background, which may not leave time for the key stuff that you actually want to dive into. What are the points that only you can say? Share those key things that you especially know – that someone could not easily do for you. If you find yourself with unexpected limited time, focus on your unique takes.

3. Adjust your timing, accordion-style. Every situation is unique. Practice reading the situation. As in, for each situation, start to develop an awareness of: your audience, the context, the time of day, and what else is going on around you. Use those considerations to help you to flex with compression or expansion, like an accordion. Sometimes we need to speak with brevity; other times we get a longer window. Try to get a sense of what you can fit into a minute, three minutes, ten minutes, and so on – without rushing. Having that skill will give you flexibility to stretch or compress the information-sharing as time allows.

To be sure, some information is not compressible. Even so, you can name it as such. That way, you are able to satisfy your own personal need for detail while still tending to the limited time window. For example, you can say, this information is really for an hour-long conversation and right now we have five minutes. So, right now I will tell you that the big picture is XYZ, and it has a lot of context and nuance; it is not a yes or no situation.

Even if you are that person who arrives super early, lateness happens for others, and the speaker before you might run over time, by a lot. Having a plan in advance for how you will manage an unexpected truncated time spot at your next talk or presentation will help you to quickly adjust in the moment. My hope for you is that no matter how much time you have available to speak – a little or a lot – that you will allow yourself time to speak at a calm pace. It will give people time to engage with your concepts and to absorb the information that you are sharing.

Let me know what questions you have as you prepare your next talk!

—

Disclaimer: These tips are meant to be a helpful starting point of ideas. Proceed at your own risk. Each person and organization is different, and this information may or may not help you. Try what resonates with you, keeping in mind common sense and circumstances. Seek professional advice that is tailored to your specific situation.

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Look to Ask Anna Banana™ for answers to your questions about approaches to optimizing workplace culture. Topics include leadership, improving workplace vibes, and office productivity. Because we want you to show up as the best version of yourself at the office.

Do you have a question for Dr. Anna? Submit your anonymous question here: https://forms.gle/juCqU96Aiq8raLjP8

Access prior posts here: https://www.annaadachimejia.com/ask-anna-banana

I am ready for something new. I currently work at a nonprofit that is geographically located away from where I live, and so I don’t know the people around me. I’m interested in finding something closer to home. Where do I start?

– Feeling Isolated

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Dear Feeling Isolated,

Let’s start with the core issue of a feeling of isolation. With that in mind, you might want to start with some strategies to expand your network before changing your work situation. That is, unless you are ready for a change at work no matter what. Regardless of if you ultimately decide to stay or go, here are some considerations for expanding your network of work colleagues:

1. Connect with your local Chamber of Commerce. Through it, you can learn about the businesses in your geographic area. Many host or sponsor programs, including meet-ups, collaboratives, and alliances. Through your local Chamber of Commerce you can start to get to know the wide range of businesses in your geographic region, including local nonprofits.

2. Connect with the nonprofit organizations that serve your state’s nonprofits. For example, The New Hampshire Center for Nonprofits provides support to nonprofits in New Hampshire, and Common Good Vermont provides support to nonprofits in Vermont. Both send out regular job announcements.

3. Connect with mission-driven organizations that are meaningful to you. To me, all nonprofits are mission-driven organizations. In addition, some for-profit businesses are mission-driven as well – as in, they prioritize helpful goals beyond simply making a profit. Think about what causes or initiatives are meaningful to you, and use those interests to help you to get to know some mission-driven organizations in your geographic area. For example, if your state has a Business for Social Responsibility nonprofit, you can learn about the socially responsible businesses that are active in your state. New Hampshire has New Hampshire Businesses for Social Responsibility (NHBSR), and Vermont has Vermont Businesses for Social Responsibility (VBSR). As another example, if you are interested in learning about businesses that are active environmental partners to the planet, One Percent (1%) for the Planet has a directory of Business Members and Environmental Partners where you can search by location.

To be sure, finding your people can take time and can feel demoralizing. Take incremental steps. Before you judge how well the process of changing jobs or expanding your network in general is going, get clear on the type of people you want to meet, the kinds of things that you want to do, and what geographic area is of interest. You can also start to build your network on LinkedIn. What I like about its job search feature is that you can select a geographic area and key words. It will email you alerts that match your preferences.

As you start to get to know the businesses in your area, add your contact information to their mailing lists. Specific to nonprofits, consider attending their annual meetings, and/or becoming involved in nonprofit board service. The more that you connect with people at a range of organizations tied to your specific interests, the more you will start to see what might be a good fit for you in the future!

Good luck, and keep the questions coming!

—

Disclaimer: These tips are meant to be a helpful starting point of ideas. Proceed at your own risk. Each person and organization is different, and this information may or may not help you. Try what resonates with you, keeping in mind common sense and circumstances. Seek professional advice that is tailored to your specific situation.

Subscribe now

Look to Ask Anna Banana™ for answers to your questions about approaches to optimizing workplace culture. Topics include leadership, improving workplace vibes, and office productivity. Because we want you to show up as the best version of yourself at the office.

Do you have a question for Dr. Anna? Submit your anonymous question here: https://forms.gle/juCqU96Aiq8raLjP8

Access prior posts here: https://www.annaadachimejia.com/ask-anna-banana

The grass isn’t always greener, but how will I know when to move on from my current organization?

– Wondering

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Dear Wondering,

Great question, and one that not just applies to work, but also to activities and relationships. In my experience, when we are all set with our situation (as in, things are good), whatever that may be, the “how will I know when to move on” question will not arise. When the “how will I know when to move on” question emerges, consider it a signal that something does need to change. It may not necessarily mean that you need an entirely new or different job (or activity or relationship), at least not yet. So, what then, does need to change? Let’s consider three possibilities:

1. Before you think about changing anything, start with naming what you really like about what you are doing now. What are three or more things that you appreciate about your current situation? Get clear on the things that you do like, which is useful information to know about yourself, whether or not you decide to stay or go. Another reason to do this exercise is because, according to happiness research, acts of gratitude are associated with boosting happiness. I first learned about this gratitude concept from Dacher Keltner and Emiliana Simon-Thomas who teach about the Science of Happiness. So, start here to help you begin to feel a little bit better, no matter what you decide to do next.

2. Listen for signals from others about what you are really good at. These signals might be subtle. They are easy to miss if you are having a hard time believing in what you are really good at. When people blurt out comments about your skills or talents that seem so obvious and easy to you that you are tempted to minimize what they are saying to you, stop resisting. Let yourself pay attention. Listen. Take it in. What are they saying about you that is unique and different from others? You probably don’t even realize what some of your talents are because they are so much a part of us – and come so easily to us. Take note of the messages that you receive from others.

3. Allow yourself to imagine a better situation for yourself. Yes, you are worthy. Yes, you deserve it. No matter what anyone else says. Sometimes, that voice of “Who do you think you are to…” pops into our inner brain convo. Acknowledge that voice and send it off on a figurative trip – I learned that tip from Tara Mohr. If you were to show up at work in the fullest, most productive version of yourself, what would you be doing? What would your day look like? Who would be in your orbit? What are they like? Write it down.

If you are being harmed, belittled, or wake up every day in a panic about work, get professional help as soon as you can. Those are all signs that something is wrong, possibly very, very wrong. You deserve to feel good. You deserve to have a good life. Yes, you are worthy. Yes, even you. If someone in your life is telling you that you can’t do the thing that you want to do for a myriad of reasons, recognize that even if they mean well, they might not have awareness of all of the information to help you to make that decision.

Change is hard. We can easily talk ourselves out of making changes in our lives. If you find yourself resisting the idea of making changes in your life, think back to a time when you did make a big change, voluntarily or otherwise, that in retrospect turned out well. What do you know now about that prior situation that you didn’t know when you began? Use that experience as a way to help you bolster enough courage to take baby steps towards your new hoped-for situation. No matter what, trust your instincts. Believe in yourself. Allow yourself to find the support that feels uniquely right for you. My hope for you is that you encounter tools and people who are the right fit for you and what you need in this moment to help you to find your next figuratively greener patch.

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Disclaimer: These tips are meant to be a helpful starting point of ideas. Proceed at your own risk. Each person and organization is different, and this information may or may not help you. Try what resonates with you, keeping in mind common sense and circumstances. Seek professional advice that is tailored to your specific situation.

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Look to Ask Anna Banana™ for answers to your questions about approaches to optimizing workplace culture. Topics include leadership, improving workplace vibes, and office productivity. Because we want you to show up as the best version of yourself at the office.

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Access prior posts here: https://askannabanana.substack.com/

Person A shared some information with me. They asked me to keep it private for now. Person B asked me very directly what was going on with Person A. Person B knows that I have information, and is trying to pressure me to divulge. What do I do now?

Signed, What Do I Say

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Dear What Do I Say,

Sounds like you are feeling quite caught in the middle. Depending on the roles of the people involved, power dynamics might also add to the stress of not being sure how to proceed. Here are three possible approaches to try:

1. Hold a default mode of, “That’s Person A’s story to tell.” This approach can apply to any scenario, including good news, bad news, or anything in between. Create an environment where the person who is the object of the story gets to tell their story on their own terms, in their own way, on their own timeline.

2. Focus on what you can share more than what you cannot. In a prior post, I shared an approach for managers to name when they have limitations regarding sharing information, and then to share the shareable. Such as, “I am not going to share with you the details of the situation. However, what I can tell you is…” (See: https://askannabanana.substack.com/p/design-your-best-work-with-phased)

3. Get curious about what Person B might need. Sometimes intense attention on another person’s issues, in this case, Person A, is actually more about an underlying issue that the questioner, Person B, has, that may or may not have anything to do with Person A. Try following up on Person B’s inquiry with something like, “Why, did you need something?” Or, “Are you stuck?” Or, “How can I, or someone else, help you right now?”

To be sure, sometimes people might need to share information about someone else. For example, if the person is in danger, or if harm to the person or to others might occur. Even so, it doesn’t mean blurting out information to simply anyone. Industries vary regarding policies related to who can say what about what. Acting with discretion can feel challenging, especially if it’s something that you yourself then need to process as well. If you yourself are holding stress that you need to process, consider consulting with a professional who has specific training and practices regarding holding confidentiality, such as a healthcare professional, therapist, counselor, and/or professional coach.

You don’t have to have all of the answers. Each of us processes information on our own timeline. From The Moth Radio Hour I first heard about the concept of not sharing stories that feel like open wounds, but rather to wait until they figuratively become scar tissue. And, as I have learned from Nedra Glover Tawwab’s writing, boundaries can be healthy. So, hold your line, feel good about protecting other people’s privacy when appropriate, and take care of your needs along the way.

—

Disclaimer: These tips are meant to be a helpful starting point of ideas. Proceed at your own risk. Each person and organization is different, and this information may or may not help you. Try what resonates with you, keeping in mind common sense and circumstances. Seek professional advice that is tailored to your specific situation.

Subscribe now

Look to Ask Anna Banana™ for answers to your questions about approaches to optimizing workplace culture. Topics include leadership, improving workplace vibes, and office productivity. Because we want you to show up as the best version of yourself at the office.

Do you have a question for Dr. Anna? Submit your anonymous question here: https://forms.gle/juCqU96Aiq8raLjP8

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1. Leverage meeting window times – the morning version. For a weekday group morning meeting, aim for a 10am meeting start time. Why? Because it will give people a chance to log in, get settled, and get anything else that is urgent out of the way. The problem with early morning meeting times, as in 7am to 8:30am, is that you are going to be competing for mental attention with anyone who has a kid in school or who is a caregiver in general. Give working parents and caregivers a window to first manage morning drop off and then to get themselves centered before joining your meeting. My personal preference is to host a meeting that starts at 9am at the earliest, if not at 10am, whenever possible.

2. Leverage meeting window times – the afternoon version. Try to end your weekday group meeting by 2:30pm if you can. The problem with late afternoons, as in 2:30pm to 4pm, is that it is peak pickup time for working parents if they need to pick up their child from school or bring them to an extracurricular activity. While it doesn’t affect everyone, it does affect some, including people who are already pretty stretched thin and likely sleep deprived.

3. Have a walking meeting. Outside. In a walking meeting, you are ideally outdoors, and you are walking while you talk. Catch some morning daylight if you can. Walking meetings are ideal if you having to work out an idea, need some creativity, or are processing through a stressful scenario. They work well for small groups of up to about three people. Find a loop, a park, a place with low traffic, or a track that is not in use. If the weather is not cooperative, try an indoor mall. If you need to take notes, consider bringing a small notebook, taking notes on your phone, or using index cards that can fit in your pocket.

To be sure, some workflows make unusual meeting times seem improbable, if not impossible. For some people, once they start their day, they may be resistant to step away for a mid-morning or mid-afternoon meeting. Some people feel very strongly about meeting as early in the morning as possible. If people are resistant to the idea of playing with meeting window times, see if they would be willing to try it a few times and then revisit. Adjust according to what the group needs, not defaulting to how things have always been done, unless that is what the current group would like to do. Walking meetings may not be feasible in some geographic areas. Privacy issues or other sound concerns might also limit your options for meeting outdoors. If walking itself is not an option, find a place to sit outside when feasible.

Observe the peak energy patterns of your coworkers. During what part of the day do they seem to be at their best? For an all-hands meeting, consider scheduling during the window of 10am – 2pm, or 9:30am – 2:30pm. Another reason to aim for that part of the day is that if you have people traveling to your meeting from afar, the later morning start time gives them a chance to travel and get settled without the added stress and potential sleep deprivation from having to leave the house extra early in the morning or having to travel over the day before. Trust that people will make good use of their time before and afterwards. Trust that people need time to get centered and take care of their own needs before entering a meeting space. If you or the people around you are rushing from one meeting to the next, showing up without having time to hydrate or otherwise regroup, the feeling of scattered energy will add to the stress of a meeting. No matter what, please don’t schedule a standing meeting for Monday morning at 8 or 9am, unless every member of the group insists on it. Know your people, ask them what they need, and allow for flexibility according to the ebb and flow of people’s lives. They will appreciate the consideration you give them, and in their peak flow they will then have the energy to give back more than you could have ever imagined.

For more tips from me about running meetings in general, including what I call the “precious sweet spot” of a meeting time, see: https://www.theladders.com/career-advice/a-dartmouth-professor-on-the-art-of-running-meetings-with-you-in-the-drivers-seat

—

Disclaimer: These tips are meant to be a helpful starting point of ideas. Proceed at your own risk. Each person and organization is different, and this information may or may not help you. Try what resonates with you, keeping in mind common sense and circumstances. Seek professional advice that is tailored to your specific situation.

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Look to Ask Anna Banana™ for answers to your questions about approaches to optimizing workplace culture. Topics include leadership, improving workplace vibes, and office productivity. Because we want you to show up as the best version of yourself at the office.

Do you have a question for Dr. Anna? Submit your anonymous question here: https://forms.gle/juCqU96Aiq8raLjP8

Access prior posts here: https://askannabanana.substack.com/

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1. Know your attendee’s food needs. When possible, ask attendees to let you know in advance about their food needs. These needs can include restrictions, preferences, and allergies. It will help you with tip #2, which is…

2. Offer a deconstructed salad. This “salad” can be literally a salad, or other items but deconstructed as much as possible (think taco bar). When you offer items separated out or deconstructed, it increases the chances that people can create whatever masterpieces work best for them in the moment. For example, with salad, keep the olives, tomatoes, and cilantro separated out. If you are able to follow tip #1, it will help you determine what to separate out and if you can offer seeds or nuts as well. Some people literally have a soapy or metallic taste from some items that other people do not (think cilantro). If you must include raw tomatoes in the salad, offer intact cherry tomatoes that are easy to pick out, because some people have uncomfortable reactions to the gel – the gooey part of the inside of a tomato. A literal salad is also ideal because it helps you to have adequate veggie options. Offering abundant veggie options are key not just for vegans or vegetarians, but also for people who follow a range of religious or cultural observances (think kosher and halal), and of course for people who are trying to get their veggies in. Try to include proteins, fiber, and fats in your offerings, and when possible, keep the carbs separate or make them easy to pick out. Carbs include rice, pasta, bread, and sugary items. Make any sweet dessert options bite-sized, so that people can choose the amount of the sweet bite that they want to consume (one! or lots!).

3. Un-parch your attendees. We live in a parched world, with many workers not having the time nor inclination to drink enough water. Keep those water jugs filled so that attendees can self-serve whenever they need. Sugar makes some people sleepy, so stick with the basics for beverages – water, coffee, tea, and the things that go with coffee and tea such as cream or milk or related condiments. Again, if you know what your attendees like, it will help you to determine if you need to add soy milk or other types of condiments.

To be sure, chefs delight in offering and designing well-thought out food creations that are far from deconstructed. You might have organizational requirements regarding where you can obtain food for your event. Some catering or food takeout scenarios might not have the kind of flexibility that is ideal for what you need. Some people need gluten-free, while others need to avoid rice due to its high glycemic index, which is often a key ingredient in gluten-free items. One way around those limitations is to know your audience. Don’t assume. People’s needs might change from month to month. If they do not tell you that they have food considerations, then you might not need to pre-plan too much, but still ask if you can.

Regardless, if you are facilitating a meeting, do yourself a favor and put some things into place so that you are not competing with a postprandial (as in, the time after eating a meal) energy slump. Help people to feel energized and ready to go. Some people get super sleepy if they are sitting around after loading up on carbs. Many of those people know who they are and they will know to steer clear. But it’s a lot harder to avoid those carbs when they are already integrated into a dish. Bonus points to you if you are able to purchase the food from a small, independently-run business. Whenever feasible, create an environment that will not only make your life easier as a facilitator, but also enables the attendees to have choices. My hope for you is that you will then have the most productive meeting ever!

—

Disclaimer: These tips are meant to be a helpful starting point of ideas. Proceed at your own risk. Each person and organization is different, and this information may or may not help you. Try what resonates with you, keeping in mind common sense and circumstances. Seek professional advice that is tailored to your specific situation.

Subscribe now

Look to Ask Anna Banana™ for answers to your questions about approaches to optimizing workplace culture. Topics include leadership, improving workplace vibes, and office productivity. Because we want you to show up as the best version of yourself at the office.

Do you have a question for Dr. Anna? Submit your anonymous question here: https://forms.gle/juCqU96Aiq8raLjP8

Access prior posts here: https://askannabanana.substack.com/

I’m starting a new position. My mentor suggested that I not wear my favorite (bright and colorful) socks. What do you think?

– Wondering About Appearances

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Dear Wondering About Appearances,

Your question reminds me of work shoe dilemmas, which leads me to thinking about how footwear can be a metaphor for the foundation of one’s leadership style. Your mentor is trying to be helpful, and wants what they think is best for you. Since you refer to these socks as being your “favorite,” let’s consider some other frameworks to try, starting from at the beginning of one’s job search.

1. During a job interview, be yourself as much as possible, as much as feasible. While pressure, nerves, and expectations may make us feel tempted to be anything other than ourselves during a job interview, you will be giving a huge gift to your future self if you have presented your genuine self and you land the job. Why? Because then when you show up on your first day of work, you won’t have to expend energy wondering or worrying about if they will accept you and your style. If you sense that a workplace is not going to appreciate or accept your unique style, then consider that maybe you might want to find a different work environment that will find your style simply smashing. As author Charlotte Greedy writes, “You Do You.”

2. Find and develop your own stable foundation. Some people will tell you to wear a specific type of shoe to match a certain type of role. I say – find a working environment that embraces what works best for you. Spaces designed for people to practice physically accessing their inner power, such as in yoga and karate, typically expect people to not even be wearing any shoes at all. In yoga and karate, the source of a person’s balance does not come from the offset of high heels or from the constriction of stiff shoes, but from creating a foundation through connecting one’s foot to the ground. I believe that when we literally and figuratively wear a shoe style that individually works for us, we can stand in and on our own solid leadership foundation.

3. When your outside is in harmony with your inside, good things can happen. Authentic leadership starts with identifying your core values. When people understand what you stand for, they can decide whether they want to follow you or if they want to try a different pathway. Dr. Gabor Maté has written about the medical and psychological reasons for being authentic from the inside out. I think that finding your harmony can also help you to be a trustworthy leader at the office.

Sometimes shoes that we think are perfect give us blisters. Sometimes we don’t know that a shoe is perfect until we’ve worn it for a while and learned from the experience. For safety reasons, some work environments require a steel-toed shoe or other work-specific situation. Personally, I’d avoid wearing sandals while working around horses...

My hope for you is that you find a work environment where you can be you as much as feasible. As I’ve said in a prior post (https://askannabanana.substack.com/p/whats-so-special-about-you-anyway), everybody is different. I believe every workplace is different too. Go find one that celebrates your uniqueness and values your talents. One of my mentors told me to pursue the things that I enjoy so that I could “be the sun.” When you get to show up at work as your true self, with your favorite socks, footwear and all, your authenticity will radiate and inspire.

—

Disclaimer: These tips are meant to be a helpful starting point of ideas. Proceed at your own risk. Each person and organization is different, and this information may or may not help you. Try what resonates with you, keeping in mind common sense and circumstances. Seek professional advice that is tailored to your specific situation.

Subscribe now

Look to Ask Anna Banana™ for answers to your questions about approaches to optimizing workplace culture. Topics include leadership, improving workplace vibes, and office productivity. Because we want you to show up as the best version of yourself at the office.

Do you have a question for Dr. Anna? Submit your anonymous question here: https://forms.gle/juCqU96Aiq8raLjP8

Access prior posts here: https://askannabanana.substack.com/